Seven months ago I sat in a dimmed room during Sunday School with the Young Men and Women of my ward. At the time I was the Young Men’s secretary. The bishop of my ward was teaching the lesson that day. I always appreciated the Bishop’s lessons. He’s a gentle, kind, and loving man who has a sincere interest for the youth in our ward.
He began by telling us we were going to watch a video that had touched him deeply about our prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. I was intrigued. When President Hinckley died, I felt a deep loss; his words of council always seemed to be directed right at me, and I grew to love him. But for some reason I was having a hard time connecting with President Monson. I knew he was our prophet, but I still hadn’t received that spiritual confirmation in my own heart that it was true.
As I reflect, I think the seeds of doubt stemmed back a few years when I read some “anti-mormon literature” that pointed out a number of faults and had some very convincing arguments against him. Ever since then those seeds have been trying to take root and sprout in my head. And I admit, my testimony faltered a little during that time.
As I sat in that dimmed room, he was now my prophet, and I still doubted him.
The bishop talked a little about the role of a prophet and bore his testimony of President Monson, and then he proceded to play the 60-minute DVD of President Monson’s life, “On the Lord’s Errand“.
Almost instantly I felt my heart softening, and before too long the seeds of doubt that I had been wrestling with were lifted from my mind. From that point on, I only wanted to know more about this man. I felt a strong desire to learn about his life, especially his character that I had so easily doubted before.
As the movie progressed, the spiritual reassurance that this man was a prophet of God continued to expand in my chest until I could no longer contain my tears. They trickled down my cheeks and onto my suit’s dusty lapel; I tried to hide it by casually swiping my sleeves across my eyes and squinting, like I couldn’t see. That never fools anybody, but it’s feels good to think it does.
President Monson’s life unfolded before my eyes, and I realized that he was a man of integrity, of goodness, and that he deeply cares and purely loves the sons and daughters of God. As interviewees spoke they related story after story of how President Monson had taken time out of his busy life for them. They had all been greatly blessed by his unselfish kindness.
And that’s when the spirit hit me like a ton of bricks. That’s what I was missing in my life. I had spent too long thinking about me that I had forgotten about others. I had been so focused on what I needed, what I wanted, and what I “deserved,” that I became blinded to those around me who were in need. I felt ashamed that my attitude had been so off course. How many times had the spirit tried to prompt me, but because I was so self-absorbed, I had missed it?
In one section of the video, President Monson said that there was no sweeter feeling than to receive a prompting from the Lord, follow it, and later find out that it had been an answer to someone’s prayer (paraphrased). I made a commitment to serve others, to forget myself and seek service opportunities. More importantly, I re-committed myself to the Lord that day. I wanted to be nearer to the man who had sacrificed it all for me.
I have since read President Monson’s biography, listened to and studied many of his talks, and gained a testimony that he is the God’s prophet today. I have prayed about it and received that personal spiritual confirmation promised in Moroni 10:3-5, that it is true.
Although that video was meant for the youth that day, I’m grateful I was there. I desperately needed it. I needed something to jump start my spiritual paralysis and wash away the fallacious seeds that had been planted years ago.
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